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Be Present.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

When my patience is tested, I pause to thank God for blessings that leave me overwhelmed. It's so easy to get caught up in staying on top of everything, on being the best mom, wife, employee, manager, coach, blogger... it's all-consuming.

A three year old boy lost his life a couple of weeks ago, and the Instagram community exploded with love and support. This has caused my heart to ache far more than I imagined. I read his mom's blog today, about avoiding "land mines"; the things that remind her of her boy. She talks about the places they used to go, the songs they sing together, his favorite snacks. Land mines are painful, but they are are caused by the joyous memories that they created together. They are meant to help her heal, but it doesn't mean they're any less difficult.

She misses his arms wrapped around her leg. I can't imagine that pain. It literally leaves me feeling nauseous, and I pray for her daily. 

I don't want to link to her blog, only because it drives me crazy when I see people leaving comments on her photos about how they are "holding their kids a little bit tighter tonight". I know it's the truth, but somehow it feels so insensitive to me. I might have even said it... but in hindsight, I feel like it's a huge slap in the face.

I don't want her to find her way here and have to read about me being thankful for my blessings. For causing me to spend extra time each day to memorize the little curves of Porter's face, or write down the cute way he says "osside" when he wants to play in the grass, or nods his head passionately when I ask him if he wants something that I know he does. I've caught myself losing my temper a few times, only to remind myself blankly: "She would give anything to throw away another unsalvageable shirt covered in blueberry juice", to to be startled awake at 5am by a toddler with a tummy bug. Those thing I groan about? She would give her very life for.

Sobering, right?

1 comment:

  1. I honestly have been having the hardest time with it. It is so close to home for us having such similar aged children. Gone in a flash, and then you have to move on... SOMEHOW..... I just get sick thinking about. I am still processing. Thank you for writing this post - it says how I feel completely and I haven't been able to formulate the words.


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